1 KABOBer Down, 14 To Go

NarcelX had a hissy fit and quit KABOBfest today. Apparently, he didn't appreciate my commentary on his post "Saudi Jarabia." But, to be fair, he also cited his inability to hold his own in debates with KABOBfest's critics for his departure. Will published a statement earlier today: Narcel X's Resignation.

Ironically, NarcelX titled his tell-all expose', "Kabobfest Down." Funny, his posts brought the site down and then he left -- which helps me fulfill my goal of bringing KABOBfest Down.

KFW 1: KF 0

BREAKING NEWS: Planes Crash into WTC

I'm in shock. I can't believe this is happening. I'll post more as information becomes available...



Oh, my bad! I thought this happened recently. At least that's what TARIK told me.

Can you believe that stupid ass actually thinks McCain's "bomb Iran" comment was made recently? Yes, KABOBfest is THAT bad.

NarcelX is a Fucking Idiot

Who's fluent in ebonics?

Ayo b wut da dilly ferilly yo cause i'm so mac-atackin like i gotta be on da real cause da 411 on dat Saudi spliff is dat dose motha truckin wahabi huggin beefcake pantyhose be breakin g to da r.o.u.n.d to build a wall smack dab between my homies in the ROCK (aka: I-raq, Sunni attack, Smack Dat, Bring Saddam Back) and da K-S-A. Are you ferSerious? Is da troof and I ain't jerkin ya. Can you wrap yo dome around dat conceptually motha fucka? Its like, dose wiggity wiggity whack wankstas be supportin all aspects of da war and shit and den all of a sudden dey all actin like its a problem for dem? SHHIIIIIT SON! DAs so l.a.m.e. Mofos betta back da fuck up befo day get smacked da fuck up. Damn I wish Tupac was alive. He'd fly to Jeddah and role on dem suckas!

Confused? So were we when we read NarcelX's recent post, "Saudi Jarabia." The idiot has absolutely no grasp of the English language. In fact, it's worse than Fayyad's -- and he's foreign!

No doubt about it, NarcelX signifies the downfall of KABOBfest. What the heck were they thinking? Recruiting gangster-wannabes to give witty political analysis... They might as well have hired DMX's crackhead ass to do the job.

Anyone else hear those crickets chirping?

Apparently nothing significant has happened in the Arab World since Tuesday. Seriously, nothing.

HELLO NIMR: The Polisario Front - the movement demanding independence for Western Sahara - is celebrating its 35th anniversary! (Quit beating off and post about it!)

You got to love KABOBfest's consistency... half the bloggers don't blog, and those that do only contribute once in a blue moon. With coverage like this I may not need another KFW blogger after all.

Write your own caption

Seeing as Quiqui is into posting candid pictures of people and then proceeding to mock them, KFW thought it would do the same with this wonderfully moist photograph of her and Fayyad dancing...


Fayyad: "Hey baby, am I making you wet?"

Quiqui: "Oh Fayyad, let me tweak those nipples!"


[Tarboush tip: secret KABOBfest inside source]

Inspired by Nimr...

KABOBfestWATCH has travelled the globe near and far to bring its readers another pointless video of some stupid idiot playing percussion on a really lame instrument for no particular reason other than because we like to waste your precious time with dumb fucking shit:



Thanks Nimr. Your posts are really interesting and engaging! Keep up the fantastic work! (dork)

NarcelX Invents New (Stupid) KABOBfest Language

Do Canadians speak Canadian? Do Americans speak American? Do Australians speak Australian? Of course they do! Hell, even EGYPTIANS speak EGYPTIAN!

Or Arabic. Whatever. Who cares. It's not like you need a brain to write for KABOBfest.


Point in case: NarcelX (AKA: Jeff "Comic Book Guy" Albertson) -- KABOBfest's resident Iraqi comic book guru.

Today he published a FASCINATING (sarcasm) review of Iron Man -- "Arabs Reviewing Movies Part 1-Iron(ic) man" -- in which he repeatedly referred to Egypt's language as EGYPTIAN!!

Wow. KABOBfest gets more credible every day. An Arab blog created to grill Arab-related news through an Arab perspective doesn't even know that Egyptians speak ARABIC and that EGYPTIAN isn't even a language.

Those fools make KFW too damn easy.

Tarik! Get a freakin life!!!

In response to Tarik's latest crap post (seriously, where do they find these illiterate fools?)...

Me: Hey dumb ass, learn to spell.

Tarik: Werd up G-G-G-G-UNIT! Uh, yeah. Whatevs. LoL.

Me: Seriously, I counted over 35 spelling and grammar mistakes in your latest post -- and that doesn't include your "self-hating" Jewish friend's comments.

Tarik: Oh hell naw doggie b, you be all up in my grill ferr what? Man fuck you man fuck you! On the reel you so is WHACK b. Strait up WHACK!

I rest my case.

Proof KFW is Killing KABOBfest (for good)

I'm happy to announce that KABOBfestWATCH has won second place in KABOBfest's recent poll: "Why We Suck This Month." The poll shows that 27% of KABOBfest's readership credit KABOBfestWATCH for KABOBfest's recent lull in activity. This is wonderful news, as KFW's ultimate goal is to virtually murder KABOBfest! Soon enough there will be no KABOBfest to have these stupid polls. MU-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!

You know you're a bad blogger when...

You type "LOL" in the middle of your post and provide a URL that's not hyperlinked. Case in point, KABOBfest's newest addition excen-tarik. I'd like to suggest a new title for his post, "This is so bad it's good." How about, This is so bad it's bad?

In fact, he's so bad that I refuse to add him to KFW's poll for the suckiest KABOBer. He's not worth the effort...

Ned Flanders Reads KABOBfest

KABOBfest commentator Robin posted the following diatribe about me today. Be warned, it's rated G:

And for that THING (PB) that keeps posting here, he is the most ridiculous piece of crap looser I think I have ever read in my over two years of blog following. Not that my comment will affect him in any way, because someone like that has NO CLUE what a spectacle they make of themselves and NOT in the way they think, but in the way that they become a pile of dog poop laying there and those with good sense go out of their way not to step in it.

Well gosh, gee golly willickers! I can't believe that crazy bible thumping blogger called me a "pile of dog poop." Oh, the nerve! I'm so terribly insulted. What am I to do?

HA - I didn't know Ned Flanders was a regular reader of that crap-ass blog, KABOBfest.

KABOBfest is Seriously the Worst Blog Ever!!

KABOBfest sucks! I'm sorry, but there's no other way to say it. I mean, it was always pretty lame, but now that they're posting less frequently and about topics no gives a hoot about, it's become atrocious. Seriously, does anyone really care about Will's "March Madness Predictions"??

And what the hell is up with those god-awful features? SIDEorders -- DAILYspecials -- DELIVEREDhot -- please! Maybe more people would take their crappy polls if they could actually read the text! Such crap! For crying out loud, learn how to format!

The site is overcrowded, the jokes are really REALLY really terrible, they haven't posted a KABOBcast since January of LAST YEAR, and maybe it's just me but it seems as if they'll take any old Israel-hating schmuck off the street to write for them. For the love of god, set some standards!

KABOBfest is a third rate, grade-A, crap-ass website... and it's only getting worse.

Take their recent KABOBpoll for example. In an attempt to be funny, they actually promote the kidnapping of little white girls. In fact, 35% of their readers condone such bull-schnitzel! Har-freaking-har, very funny. There's no doubt in my mind that these idiots should be banned from the World Wide Web, if not imprisoned.

Total lame-a-zoids. Truly disgusting. Gross even. Don't waste your time.

KABOBfest's Krappy Photoshop

What happened to the good old days when KABOBfest would post photoshopped art that looked like it actually took more than 3 seconds and required at least a third grade education in art to make?

Bad grammar aside, Will's latest post, "Love at First State," isn't that bad -- that is, until you take a look at the horrible crap he tries passing off for funny art. COME ON! Their lips aren't even touching...

He probably used Microsoft Paint. Only the best for KABOBfest's readership I suppose.

KABOBfest Tackles Butt Sex Advice

It's bad enough that Maytha is using KABOBfest to prostitute her goodies to the Arab-American community -- but now Sunbula, the fest's self-proclaimed "genderqueer manyak," is asking KABOBfest's readership for advice on anal sex.

In "Sex Education Saudi Style," he-she discusses a fatwa forbidding anal sex (unless it's had by mistake) and then asks:

[I]mplicitly the fatwa seems to say that (heterosexual) butt sex is ok if the husband "doesn't know" and the wife doesn't inform him! Can this also mean that a man can have sex with another (male-bodied) man as long as he thinks the latter is female and is not informed to the contrary?

Now why do you suppose she cares? Could it be that he wants to have sex with trannies? Likely, but I won't judge. To each his own. I'm still curious, however, what makes her think that he can use KABOBfest as her own personal Love Line?

Is this what KABOBfest has become? A Dear Abby for butt sex advice? Great blog assholes!

Defecating on Fadi's Legacy

Fadi has caused a lot of drama with his latest post, "Desecrating Hala Maksoud's Memory" -- so much so that he jumped five whole percentage points in KFW's poll: Which KABOBer sucks the most? For a while he was neck and neck with KABOBfest's resident boater, Fayyad, but now he's only ten percentage points shy of tying Will's record of twenty-percent. To put all this in perspective: Fadi is currently hated more than Nabeel, Maytha, Hanaan, Diana, Nimr, Abou Mack, Emily, Sunbula, and Sama Adnan combined. That's a lot of hate!

As of now, Fadi's post has accumulated over 80 comments -- a KABOBfest record (I know, pitiful). Given that at least a quarter of these comments are negative, I'd like to urge all those that hate Fadi for his stance against ATFP or in support of equal rights for homosexuals to make their voices heard, and vote him the worst KABOBfest blogger EVER!

ONE MAN = ONE VOTE (unless, of course, you have Firefox and Explorer). Cast your ballots today!

*UPDATE: Since posting the above request, Fadi's percentage has actually dropped 3%, while Fayyad's has risen to surpass Will's by two whole percentage points. Given this exciting turn of events, only one conclusion can be logically deduced: Ibish fans hate immigrants more than progressive heterosexuals! Fascinating! (I still hate Fadi)

KABOBfest Accomplishes Absolutely Nothing Today

Friday came and went and the folks over at KABOBfest didn't blog on a single news item. They didn't cover Obama's criticism of Rev. Jeremiah A. Wright Jr., the murder of Iraqi Chaldean Catholic Archbishop Paulos Faraj Rahho, or even the US House of Representatives' passing of a new surveillance bill. Hell, those idiots didn't even comment on Rihanna's continental brainfart.

Actually, I'd say today was probably the most intellectually stimulating day yet for KABOBfest. Keep up the great work guys! You've got something great going... NOT!

Somebody Smack Abou Mack...

...because he hasn't got a single funny bone in his body, but insists on telling poorly delivered jokes. Need an example? Well look no further than "What's wrong with my hand, Hillary?" -- a poorly formated post in which Mehammed "Abou" Mack lambasts Hillary Clinton for refusing to hold hands with Saudi royalty while allowing Bill to do it in her place.

The problem is, he posts a picture in which Bill is seen hiding his hands away from a Saudi:

He even tries to ride the Fadi caption wave, but fails miserably...

"OMG, the Iraq Study Group Report is SO absorbing! I have to look away..."

Is that funny? I'm not sure. Should I laugh? I don't know. All he did is describe exactly what she's doing -- but use caps lock. Har har, give me a break!

Maytha Steps Up Her Game

Anyone notice how unoriginal Maytha's postings have been lately? She totally hijacked Fadi's immature Hillary Clinton photo-caption idea and just made it worse.

I guess that's the price KABOBfest pays for employing an airhead blogger. Hey Maytha, who's the poser now?

Diana Mugg is a Stupid Idiot

Minnesota resident Diana Mugg has taken it upon herself to re-define the term "KABOBfest" on Urban Dictionary. Let it be known that KABOBfestWatch unequivocally rejects, denounces, and defecates upon Ms. Mugg's new definition.

In addition to not clarifying what an "o.b.l." is, she did not capitalize the "KABOB" portion of "KABOBfest" -- nor did she use a grammatically correct example-sentence to illustrate how to utilize the term in the proper context. Clearly, Ms. Mugg is an unintelligent poseur.

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UPDATE: According to secret KFW sources, "o.b.l." is an incredibly unhip acronym for Osama bin Laden.

Ever Wonder What a KABOBfest is?

This morning, Urban Dictionary approved and assigned a fitting definition for the term "KABOBfest." It made my day:

They're now officially losers inscribed in stone. How pleasing!