NarcelX is a Fucking Idiot

Who's fluent in ebonics?

Ayo b wut da dilly ferilly yo cause i'm so mac-atackin like i gotta be on da real cause da 411 on dat Saudi spliff is dat dose motha truckin wahabi huggin beefcake pantyhose be breakin g to da r.o.u.n.d to build a wall smack dab between my homies in the ROCK (aka: I-raq, Sunni attack, Smack Dat, Bring Saddam Back) and da K-S-A. Are you ferSerious? Is da troof and I ain't jerkin ya. Can you wrap yo dome around dat conceptually motha fucka? Its like, dose wiggity wiggity whack wankstas be supportin all aspects of da war and shit and den all of a sudden dey all actin like its a problem for dem? SHHIIIIIT SON! DAs so l.a.m.e. Mofos betta back da fuck up befo day get smacked da fuck up. Damn I wish Tupac was alive. He'd fly to Jeddah and role on dem suckas!

Confused? So were we when we read NarcelX's recent post, "Saudi Jarabia." The idiot has absolutely no grasp of the English language. In fact, it's worse than Fayyad's -- and he's foreign!

No doubt about it, NarcelX signifies the downfall of KABOBfest. What the heck were they thinking? Recruiting gangster-wannabes to give witty political analysis... They might as well have hired DMX's crackhead ass to do the job.

Write your own caption

Seeing as Quiqui is into posting candid pictures of people and then proceeding to mock them, KFW thought it would do the same with this wonderfully moist photograph of her and Fayyad dancing...


Fayyad: "Hey baby, am I making you wet?"

Quiqui: "Oh Fayyad, let me tweak those nipples!"


[Tarboush tip: secret KABOBfest inside source]

Boater Translation: "'Testicular Fortitude' A Deciding Factor As Genitalia Metaphors Guide Campaign"

Below is a translation of Fayyad's latest post: "'Testicular Fortitude' A Deciding Factor As Genitalia Metaphors Guide Campaign " Please note that it constitutes no direct or indirect endorsement of Fayyad's lame jokes.

Thank something, the choice is no longer a hard one. [Editor’s Note: Fayyad is using the word “something” in place of “God” because he thinks it’s a witty way of letting you know that he’s an atheist. Also, the “choice” he’s referring to is a democratic candidate to run against John McCain for President of the United States.]

We no longer have to choose between a black man and a woman for president, even if the latter is white. [Editor’s Note: Fayyad appears to be making a joke about race-relations, although I can’t be sure.] It seems like one of the candidates is actually an old reliable [Editor’s Note: ???]: Hillary has testicular fortitude. [Those were the words of a male Indiana union leader as he endorsed the pantsuit-wearing senator from New York. I guess Pennsylvania voters were onto something. [Editor’s Note: In addition to forgetting to close his bracket, Fayyad is making a point about the PA primaries that is lost on everyone but himself.]

So if your inner misogynist was clashing with your inner racist, you can retire one until 2012. But is it really smart to play up the importance of genitalia metaphors as a deciding factor in the presidential elections when you’re running against a black man? I’m not a racist, I’m just employing a stereotype. [Editor’s Note: Har har, black guys have massive dicks. How original!]

Interestingly, there weren't a lot of misspellings in this post. Still, very little of it made sense.

Fear Not Folks: Buydatti is BACK!

Loyal readers: my apologies for this blog's inactivity. As the previous post stated, I had come down with a horrible KABOBfest-induced stomach ailment that put me out of commission for quite some time. Although I can't prove it, I'm almost certain that the culprit was Will's girlfriend, who must've offered me a drink laced with diuretics at a community gathering last week.

Regardless, I'm back -- and, as promised, with vengeance. Although I'd like to go back and comment on every KABOBfest post published in my absence, I really don't have the time. Nonetheless, you can assume that little has changed over at the fest...

• Emily's posts are still boring and hardly worth a skim
• Like oh my God! Maytha still thinks in run-on sentences
• Fayyad still can't spell
• Fadi still hates Hillary Clinton and is doing a horrible job of mocking her
• Tarik still has no idea how to format a post
• Mohammad is still only 2 posts shy of being a full blown terrorist
• Quiqui is still hanging on Hugo Chavez's nuts (despite the fact that she's an Anarchist and he runs a state)
• And, KABOBpolls still prove that KABOBfest's readership aren't that bright

I'll now resume my mission of exposing them for the fools that they are! DOWN WITH KABOBfest!!

Boater Translation: "How Do You Say Marketplace In Arabic?"

Below is a translation of Fayyad's latest post: "How Do You Say Marketplace In Arabic?" Please note that it constitutes no direct or indirect endorsement of Fayyad's lame jokes:

The staff of NPR/PRI’s financial program packed their bags and traveled to the Middle East in order to report from one of the world’s fastest growing economies -- for a few days at least. Believe it or not, there is enough of a story there to fill a couple of weeks worth of programming. After all, there’s more to the Middle East than just oil.

[Editor’s Note: Lacking an interesting transitional sentence, Fayyad now takes a lame and unrelated (yet typical) dig at Zionists in order to inform KABOBfest’s readership that influential American institutions are interested in perusing closer ties with the Arab world.]

If reading the previous paragraph gave you a knot in the stomach, or even slightly bothered you, then you’re probably a Zionist, or some other form of racist who should seriously consider seeing a medical professional. If that’s the case, I suggest you avoid the Cleveland Clinic, as it underwrote NPR/PRI’s entire Mid-East adventure. Avoiding Harvard's Medical School would also be wise, as today’s report said it’s planning to open a branch in Dubai.

[Editor’s Note: Back to the subject at hand…]

While much of NPR/PRI’s Mid-East reporting has been rooted in Cairo and Dubai, the failing Palestinian economy has also garnered much attention. Divided into a three-part series, the Marketplace team reports on the difficulty of doing business under occupation, “Olive Oil Diplomacy” (featuring the Palestinian Fair Trade Association’s co-op of olive farmers), and... [Editor’s Note: Fayyad fails to mention the third Palestine-related topic covered].

Another interesting report tackled the subject of Islam and sustainability. Is Islam a green concept? [Editor’s Note: Brace yourselves for a real knee-slapper.] I don’t think that’s why Hamas’ flag is colored as such. [Editor's Note: Sorry folks, that's about as funny as he gets.]

Best of all, the reports weren’t so simplistic that they couldn’t appeal to someone as informed about the region as I am. [Editor's Note: Someone thinks awfully high of himself.] The show’s website even donned a banner with its name in Arabic.

For the record, "Marketplace" is "Souk" in Arabic.

Boater Translation: "Offer, Counteroffer"

Because Fayyad refuses to comply with modern standard conventions of English grammar, I've decided to make "Boater Translations" a regular feature of KABOBfestWATCH. Below is a transcription of his latest post, "Offer, Counteroffer." Please note that it constitutes no direct or indirect endorsement of Fayyad or his opinions:

Yesterday, Hamas set its terms for a comprehensive truce with Israel. Its primary demand was that Israel ceases all acts of aggression towards the West Bank and Gaza. Israel, however, responded violently -- sending death squads to assassinate five Palestinians in the West Bank and launching bomb raids on the densely populated Gaza Strip.

Though some would believe that this missed opportunity for peace is the result of an unfortunate coincidence, that's simply not true. One need not look further back than 24 hours to witness similar scenarios repeat themselves time and time again. [Editor's note: It would have been wise of Fayyad to use examples to support this claim. He, however, isn't very wise.]

Silly Hamas, they must have gotten so swept up in the Israeli propaganda storm that they actually believed they constituted enough of a threat that they could dictate the terms of a truce. Will somebody tell the Knafeh Man that his rockets are only good enough for photo ops or to be represented by balloons?

The Shoah is not yet complete...

Interestingly, this post had no misspellings -- which is quite out of character for Fayyad. I assume that he's finally given up on his anti-spellcheck activism. No surprises there, he has a history of selling out (ahem... BDS).

Boater Translation: "The Rapture Talk Express"

I decided to translate Fayyad's recent KABOBfest post, "The Rapture Talk Express," into English for non-boater-speaking readers to understand. Please note that this translation and reposting does not directly or indirectly imply any endorsement of Fayyad:

In order to prepare for rapture, psycho televangelist John Hagee wants to protect Israel by bombing Iran and expeling the Palestinians from their homes. He also wants to convert Jews to Christianity and slaughter those who don't. Moreover, he believes that the Catholic Church is a great whore, Hurricane Katrina was retribution for New Orleans' gay pride parade, and that slave auctions make fantastic school fundraisers. He also likens menstruating women to terrorists for their supposed inability to negotiate.

His latest great idea: Endorse John McCain for President. Apparently, he thinks that the “Straight Talk Express” is anti-gay fast speech. [Editor's note: this joke isn't very funny.]

McCain said, “This man supports me and what I believes in” -- before adding, “When he endorses me, that does not mean that I endorse everything that he stands for and believes in.”

Now that's the straight talk that fucks you, even if you are not gay. [Editor's note: ???]

[Editor's note: the following two paragraphs follow no logical progression and are only quasi-related to the subject at hand.]

Take that Obama! While Barack was suckered into denouncing an endorsement by Louis Farrakhan, the quick criticism of political pundits made it impossible for him not to.

I feel somewhat uneasy and left out that Hagee’s hatred of Catholics has garnered more media attention that his hatred for Arabs and Muslims, especially Palestinians. Perhaps his hatred of the latter is no longer considered wrong. Then again, I may just be overly sensitive.

Now that you understand what Fayyad wrote, feel free to go back to KABOBfest and leave him a comment.