Boater Translation: "The Rapture Talk Express"

I decided to translate Fayyad's recent KABOBfest post, "The Rapture Talk Express," into English for non-boater-speaking readers to understand. Please note that this translation and reposting does not directly or indirectly imply any endorsement of Fayyad:

In order to prepare for rapture, psycho televangelist John Hagee wants to protect Israel by bombing Iran and expeling the Palestinians from their homes. He also wants to convert Jews to Christianity and slaughter those who don't. Moreover, he believes that the Catholic Church is a great whore, Hurricane Katrina was retribution for New Orleans' gay pride parade, and that slave auctions make fantastic school fundraisers. He also likens menstruating women to terrorists for their supposed inability to negotiate.

His latest great idea: Endorse John McCain for President. Apparently, he thinks that the “Straight Talk Express” is anti-gay fast speech. [Editor's note: this joke isn't very funny.]

McCain said, “This man supports me and what I believes in” -- before adding, “When he endorses me, that does not mean that I endorse everything that he stands for and believes in.”

Now that's the straight talk that fucks you, even if you are not gay. [Editor's note: ???]

[Editor's note: the following two paragraphs follow no logical progression and are only quasi-related to the subject at hand.]

Take that Obama! While Barack was suckered into denouncing an endorsement by Louis Farrakhan, the quick criticism of political pundits made it impossible for him not to.

I feel somewhat uneasy and left out that Hagee’s hatred of Catholics has garnered more media attention that his hatred for Arabs and Muslims, especially Palestinians. Perhaps his hatred of the latter is no longer considered wrong. Then again, I may just be overly sensitive.

Now that you understand what Fayyad wrote, feel free to go back to KABOBfest and leave him a comment.